Author Fail

I DON'T WANNA!

I'm tired and I don't want to write. I just want to take the night off. But if I do... oh, if I do what struggles may come immediately. I've been down this road before, you see. Quitting is a runaway train, a bison on the loose, the opening of a diseased vein. And on the other side of even a single night of failure is a steep downward hill, a stampede, a bucket of blood.

I know some of you may think this is strange, or at least the timing of it is. Just a few days ago I shared not one but two bits of genuinely good news (my new novel is done & totally unrelated, I won a writing award). And here I am in the wallows of guilt again? I understand your confusion, but I believe there is a connection…

My last post discussed how exhausting (zombie-like) I feel each time I finish a book. I believe what you are reading now is another side of that exhaustion. There is the side of myself that feels proud of what I’ve recently accomplished. Then there is the other side that is not only exhausted but also feels like I’ve finally earned at least ONE day off.

DAM(N) IT!

But therein lies the problem. It will most certainly not end with one day. To cave to my selfishness now would be to break the seal or even open the floodgates. I MUST write tonight, if for no other reason than to say I did so even at a dark hour such as this.

When I began this blog in November, I did so with the intention of becoming more consistent with my writing. I stuttered to start, but there was definite improvement. Recently, I’ve employed the undertaking of writing EVERY day, if even only a little. I even joined a “Magic Spreadsheet” community that tracks daily writing success. (I’ll explain more about that in another post). And it’s been an overwhelming success. Today marks my 63^rd day in a row, and I honestly don’t feel even a little bit guilty these days.

YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

But what happens when I skip a day? What happens when I break my streak?  Answer: I fail.

I said I’ve done this before, and I have. I’ve made myself promises before (I’ve even used the Magic Spreadsheet community). And while each time I make that challenge I’ve also met with varying degrees of success, I always meet my failure for the same reason: I cheat, and by that I mean I cheat myself. I’m tired so I decide to skip a day. I tell myself I’ll be back at it tomorrow, and often that happens. But inevitably that is also the day that begins my downward spiral.

So this time, I’m not quitting. I’m keeping my nose to the grindstone and I’m finding SOMETHING to write about, even if it’s just this blog post that attempts to focus my own perspective on things.

;)

WHAT'S AT THE FAR END?