Torchwood: A Review

THE TORCHWOOD TEAM:
GWEN, OWEN, JACK, IANTO, & TOSHIKO

I am utterly… blown… away.

A spin-off show I thought was merely OK or even cheesy just rocked my world.

But I am also broken. Fractured. As dismantled as the very characters themselves.

This is among the most powerful writing I've ever seen.

And it is called Torchwood.

As mentioned above, “Torchwood” is a television show. It features 4 seasons of hour-long episodes that is a spin-off of the illustrious “Doctor Who”. In it, Captain Jack Harkness is our overly charismatic protagonist. He and his little team (called the Torchwood Institute) routinely hunt down and deal with aliens in and around the Cardiff, UK area. Most of those aliens are hostile and are either killed, returned to whence they came, or subdued. Some rare benign aliens are given aid. Chief among the characters’ quirks (& the center of the show’s best moments of intrigue) is Captain Jack himself, stolen directly from Doctor Who and utilized to his fullest extent. You see, Captain Jack cannot die.

CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS

Or to be more precise, he cannot stay dead. In truth he dies all the time (and in one memorable episode near the very end of season 2 we learn this has been the case at least 1,000 times) but always resurrects. There are the inevitable scenes where Jack is murdered only to reanimate minutes later (much to the surprise of the overconfident trigger-puller), and henceforth save the day. But the show doesn't stop at these obvious cliches. Jack’s history is sometimes given center stage in a manner that leaves us not exactly near tears, but certainly empathetic to the woes of any man who has made a mistake and suffers the act of living through it.

And Jack, of course, has lived for hundreds of years. Perhaps thousands.

Fans of "Doctor Who" already know this entire show is only the beginning of his amazing journey through life.

THIS IS A WEEVIL, A COMMON ALIEN THAT
LIVES MAINLY IN THE SEWERS OF CARDIFF

As I said before, I first thought this show to be mediocre at best, with moments of intrigue worth sitting through the worst bits. However things picked up a bit about halfway through season 2 when a secondary character attained his own unique version of life-everlasting. You’ll be happy to know I won’t be “that guy” in this blog who ruins the fun for you by revealing too much (spoilers!), but I feel safe enough to tell you that the season 2 finale was genuinely amazing. In fact, it bordered on *literally* amazing. Take that in for a bit. I was damn-near actually amazed at what I had seen. And I've seen and read a lot of good Sci-Fi stories. Therefore, I hereby solemnly promise that if you can sit through the doldrums of season 1 (so as to gain the relevant back story) you will certainly be rewarded by the overall story presented in season 2.

And then there is season 3, the very reason for my spontaneous blog post this late evening. 

It is a mere 5 episodes in length- clearly some kind of salvaging of a contract gone awry- but each one plays like 2 or 3. More importantly, this collective miniseries begins with a true bang and only increases in tension, moments of zen, heart-wrenchers, and scenes worthy of epic praise with each passing minute. For the overall show I have but one mid-sized season to go now, and I am already content with what I've seen. Season 4 could suck giant, hairy wildebeest balls for all I care… I am already more than satisfied, entertained, and educated as both viewer and author alike. Bravo, Torchwood writers. Bravo.

Now then, on my actual (if not elusive) analysis of Torchwood’s awe-inspiring third season...

INSIDE THAT TANK IS THE EVIL ALIEN OF SEASON 3
THEY ARE CALLED ONLY "THE 456", NAMED AFTER
THE RADIO FREQUENCY WHERE THEIR MESSAGE WAS
FIRST DISCOVERED. ALSO INSIDE IS THE POISON IT BREATHES.

Episode 1 concludes with an “Are you fucking kidding me?!” game-changer. Episode 2 raises the stakes and brings down the hammer, reminding us that Science-Fiction can tackle some seriously important shit, and I’m not talking about theoretical physics… I’m talking about the very questions that define humanity. As if that wasn't impressive enough, episode 3 takes it even further, almost laughing at the simplicity of the opening duo, flaunting in our faces the notion that our imaginations are our own worst enemies. Indeed seeing our greatest fears brought to life with faces and names and stories and pasts is oh-so-much-more devastating. Episode 4 adds layer after layer of political intrigue without dowsing the action and mind-fucks we've already come to expect. There’s also more of that great back story we love to get, and boy does Jack Harkness have a memorable past. Finally, the season finale somehow manages the impossible task of completing nearly a full dozen story arcs, each with satisfying nods of approval from my author’s side even as my viewer side cursed the writers of the show and held back tears. To be honest, this was a fight I eventually lost.

As you have probably discerned, I am refraining from revealing many specific details of the show in my analysis (again, spoilers!) for the sole reason that I don’t believe in them when the story matters. Instead, I am attempting to write an honest reaction to the levels of emotion and raw entertainment I have experienced, all in the hope that you will hop on over to Netflix and follow in my footsteps. Nevertheless, I feel a basic description is in order. I will therefore steal the Netflix single-sentence description blurbs and allow your imagination and curiosity to begin overflowing. They are as follows:

Torchwood: Season 3, Episode 1. “Children of Earth: Day One” An ordinary day becomes one of terror, as every child in the world stops and delivers a message to all the governments of Earth: “We are coming”.

Torchwood: Season 3, Episode 2. “Children of Earth: Day Two” Members of the [Torchwood] team are hunted down, Britain risks becoming a rogue state, and only one person holds the key to Torchwood’s salvation.

Torchwood: Season 3, Episode 3. “Children of Earth: Day Three” The eyes of the world turn to Britain, and members of Torchwood must battle to protect their own families as the fight gets personal.

Torchwood: Season 3, Episode 4. “Children of Earth: Day Four” Torchwood finally learns the truth and everything now pivots around one man. Old allegiances are destroyed and true intentions are revealed.

Torchwood: Season 3, Episode 5. “Children of Earth: Day Five” As violence erupts and anarchy reigns, an ordinary housing estate becomes a battleground where the future will be decided. Torchwood is defenseless.  

Overall I cannot yet fairly give this show a rating since I’m not technically done, but for individual seasons I’d rank them as follows:

Season 1: 3 of 5 stars. Considering the potential they had to work with by stealing one of Doctor Who’s greatest companions, this felt like there could have been more done here. It’s a fun show, though, and one I was happy to put on each evening after my wife falls asleep watching our shared viewing experiences. :D

THE OFFICIAL TORCHWOOD LOGO, VISIBLE ON
VARIOUS OFFICE WINDOWS, DOCUMENTS, AND
GADGETS THROUGHOUT THE SHOW.
IT'S ALSO ON MY NEWEST T-SHIRT.  :) 

Season 2: 5 of 5 stars, though the first half was only a 4. As I already explained, things really kick into gear when a secondary character has his life altered in a meaningful and permanent way. This storyline is carried through to the end of the season even while Captain Jack’s own back story is filled in, much to our simultaneous satisfaction and frustration. Also, there's that season finale to watch out for. Yowzer.

Season 3: 5 of 5 stars. Can I change the rules and make it out of 10 stars then give this season a 12 please? I am rarely surprised by a turn that a storyline takes, unless I’m both surprised and annoyed by poor writing and/or cheap answers to important questions. This season/ miniseries continued to take me places I didn't expect, yet I appreciated and loved every minute of it. Example: Far too often the climax of a story (in this case I’m referring to that of the full-season story arc) is predictable. I’m not saying I’m saddened the evil aliens were vanquished thanks to Captain Jack Harkness’ flare for the dramatic… I’m saying each of the characters behaved as they should even though none of them was in their comfort zone or following their normal methods of problem-solving. I love it when characters are forced to do new things but still act in a manner befitting their identities. It’s not easy to do, and season 3 can safely add this accolade to their wall of shiny medals.

CD Story Review #5: "Leg Man"

CD ISSUE #1

Richard Chizmar founded Cemetery Dance Magazine in 1988. It’s still in production today (now managed by author/ editor Brian James Freeman) & is considered one of the best horror mags of all time, having published and even discovered many of the genre's most famous and successful authors. This blog series is my attempt to read, review, and research every story CD has ever printed. As of Issue #70 (Sept. 2013), there are more than 500.

STORY: “Leg Man” 

AUTHOR: Chris B. Lecher

CD APPEARANCE: Issue #1 (Dec. 1988: Vol. 1, Iss. 1), story 5 of 12 

PLOT:  A gruesome story told in 4 parts...

1) Slash is a taking a break from his band's set in an alley. He meets a girl there. She is shirtless beneath her jacket. She seduces him easily. As he suckles her breasts, her breasts suddenly seize his tongue and slash the inside of his mouth "like a frenzied piranha".

YIKES LOOK AT THIS
GRUESOME PIC

2) Izzy, another band member, comes out just in time to watch Slash flounder with his shredded mouth before bleeding to death. 

3) Time has passed and Izzy is still having nightmares and the band is seeing hard times. Many of his dreams feature a "girl-thing" that Izzy knows isn't human but is responsible for Slash's death. Then another band-mate, Axl, comes in and tries to convince him to have a good time with the two girls he brought back. Izzy declines and almost falls back to sleep when one of the girls (who he hasn't yet even seen) whispers "Night, Izzy." 

4) After successfully falling back to sleep, Izzy wakes to hear chewing sounds and Axl moaning. He thinks it's the sounds of sex and goes once again back to sleep. The next time when he wakes he hears what is clearly "hungry lapping sounds" and understands the girl-thing that killed Slash is now in his home and has already killed Axl. Izzy charges into the room and, after a brief fight, throws the girl-thing out the window. But she gets up from the bone-breaking two-story drop, and Izzy prepares for her return by stopping the kitchen sink, turning on the faucets, and plugging in one of his guitar amps. When she enters he tells her he's "Not much of a tit man," and then electrocutes her. After checking Axl's body, Izzy's girlfriend (who slept through the whole ordeal), comes out to see the carnage. She hugs him affectionately, but when her breasts graze Izzy's shirt, he swears he feels them move. 

REVIEW: 4 out of 5 stars.

CD BLURB ON LECHER

As a reader I was grossed out by this one, nearly to the point of not enjoying it. Nearly. While Lacher's abilities as an author are solid, the unbridled gore of this piece is simply not to my liking. In my experience there are three kinds of horror... Supernatural, Psychological, and Blood & Gore. Naturally we all have our favorites & naturally many stories overlap & use 2 or all 3 of these. This story is almost entirely Blood & Gore and as a fan of the overall genre, I wish Lecher had explained more about the background of the creature he invented rather than just the actions she takes or her physical... uh... abilities. Since my personal preference is low for Blood & Gore, I'd actually give this just 3 stars. But to be fair I gave it 4 because Lecher tells his story well. It's smooth & to the point without overburdening the reader, which is a marked improvement over many of the other (earlier & yet-to-be-reviewed) stories in this early issue. I can't go as high as 5 stars, though, because the story is nevertheless simple and Lecher's characters (the human ones at least) are little more than stereotypes plus his sentence structure is, again, very basic. 

As a writer I am reminded that a single great image can be powerful to my readers. Despite my personal distaste for it, the vision of a woman's breasts having an open cavity and shark-like teeth is not one I am likely to forget soon. And the scene that describes her using that pseudo 'mouth' to pleasure her victim... let's just say there are some things you can't un-see. Which is exactly my point. Lecher nailed this element of the horror genre, and for that I applaud him. 

To sum up, I don't prefer Lecher's style but I respect his basic talent. If gore & grue is your thing, you'll love this one. If not, save yourself a few nightmares & pass.